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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

ORKUT TIPS AND TRICKS

Knowing a person email id in Orkut.

-->Ignore the person in orkut you want to know the Email id.
Open your Gtalk with same account as for Orkut.
Go to Settings -> Blocked. in gtalk
You will see the email id of that person.

**. Write Anonymous Scraps to anyone at orkut

-->Create a fake account at orkut
Write the scraps to the person you want.
Delete the account and your scraps will become anonymous at orkut.

**. Finding those who has a crush on you in orkut.

-->Add the one you think might have crush on you.
If that person have already added you to their crush list , you will get an email.
delete all from your crush list.

** Write a Blank Scrap to anyone in orkut.

-->Delete everything in the text box field.
Now holding “alt” key down press 0 1 7 3 one after the other from left to right.
That it..done
Click Post Scrap or Submit.

**. Writing your text in reverse order at orkut.

-->Type your text in the scrapbook.
Type & # 8 2 3 8 without spaces before the message.
Click Submit or Post scrap.

** How to by pass the verification image while posting a url in a scrapbook in orkut.

-->Change http to HtTp and www to wWw.
Now post the scrap
No Verification now needed.

**View Orkut Scraps Without Signing in As RSS Feed

-->Now you can check your Orkut scraps from your RSS reader without logging in to your Orkut profile. If you want to hide your online status and don’t want to tell your Orkut friends about your online presence, then this is the best way to read your and other’s scraps. All you need is to have a RSS feed account and set it to pull out your Orkut scraps. When this is done, you can check your Orkut scraps from your browser without signing into your Orkut profile.

To set this …

**How To Send Blank or Invisible Orkut Scraps

-->Orkut treats spamming very seriously. It does not allow anyone to send scraps without any content, which means you can’t send invisible or blank scraps. Orkut determines the genuineness of s scrap from it’s contents. Before posting a scrap, it examines if the scrap is having any text, letters inside it or not. If you haven’t written anything, it’s not going to post your scrap. But applying an Orkut trick, we can send invisible or blank orkut scraps to anyone.

Send invisible blank Orkut scraps :

To send blank or invisible Orkut …

**Create Orkut Stylish Fonts, Symbols For Names & Scraps

-->Orkut stylish fonts can make your profile name and scraps look better. You can make your profile name or scraps stylish with a number of cool fonts available. Earlier we were using different javascripts to do this. Here on DarkOrkut, I even wrote a post on how to make cool stylish fonts on Orkut using javascripts. But later Orkut stopped all scripts from running and now you can hardly expect any javascript code to work some wonders. But here I am going to tell you an another sure shot method …

**How To Upload Pics To Your Orkut Album

**This is a tutorial for all newbies on orkut. If you are having any problems in uploading pictures on your Orkut account, you can go through this tutorial to make image uploading easier. First things first. Here are some quick Orkut Album Tips.

-->Orkut has a limit of 100 photos per album.
You can upload JPG, GIF or PNG images. Other image extensions are not supported.
Maximum image size cab be 5 MB.
You can have a maximum of 1000 pics in all your albums.
You can choose and keep any pic as your album …

**How To Create Your Own Orkut Theme!

-->Now you can customize your Orkut profile with cool orkut themes. You do not need to use those common orkut official themes. Be creative, go advanced and make your own orkut themes. You can create orkut themes with your own pictures or you may also like to use pictures of your favourite actress, actors, scenery or anything you like. Choose your own picture and let me make your own Orkut theme for FREE.

**How can I make my own orkut theme :

At first choose a picture. Make sure that the width …

**How to Stop Orkut Scrap Notification Emails

-->Orkut sends you scrap notification emails each time someone posts a scrap in your scrapbook. Not only in the case of scraps, but also you get email notifications for testimonials, messages, new friend requests etc. This is really annoying when you get a lots of email notifications everyday from Orkut. Many people don’t like these mails to full their inbox quota. So, here is how you can stop Orkut from sending those unwanted scrap email notifications.

1. Log in to your Orkut profile.
2. Click on Settings. You can find this option …

ORKUT TAG LINES FACE BOOK TAGLINES PART 2

"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere." -- Dr. Seuss
"The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days." -- New Testament
Translation: Laugh and you'll live longer...
There are two ways to live: one is as if nothing is a miracle; the other as if everything is. -- Albert Einstein
"In order to deviate successfully, one has to have at least a passing acquaintance with whatever norm one expects to deviate from." -- Frank Zappa, from The Real Frank Zappa Book
"Claudia, you're the only woman who's accepted me for the man I can't help being..." -- Paul, on Spin City, proposing to Claudia
"For a change, lady luck seemed to be smiling on me. Then again, maybe the fickle wench was just lulling me into a false sense of security while she reached for a rock." -- The Icarus Hunt, by Timothy Zahn
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey
"He (the husband) was trying to help... (with the kids), but... well, you know..." -- Christina Krol
"You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty." -- Henrik Ibsen
"For those of you who like to lie awake nights and worry about things ponder this: the United States Navy will be building an aircraft carrier that will run its communications systems, aircraft launch, and weapons systems using Microsoft Windows-based operating systems." -- TNPCN
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, play solitaire, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -- Robert Heinlein (slightly edited)
"I know that if I just beat my head against the wall long enough, an idea will infallibly result, but there is always the nameless terror that maybe this time the Muse is not merely hitchhiking through Georgia but has been kidnapped, murdered and tumbled into a ditch. Or maybe she's mad at me." -- David Lance Goines, from Goines Posters
Theory vs practice: "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is." -- Yogi Berra
"It's important that people should know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for." -- Mary H. Waldrip
I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate. -- Lt. Cmdr. Susan Ivanova ("Points of Departure", Babylon 5)
In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said: "Let there be light!" And there was still nothing, but you could see it. -- Unknown
From a distance, it is impossible to tell if an administrator associated with your project is sitting on his hands or covering his butt. -- Unknown
Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. -- Howard Aiken
The scientist does not study nature because it is useful; he studies it because he delights in it, and he delights in it because it is beautiful. If nature were not beautiful, it would not be worth knowing, and if nature were not worth knowing, life would not be worth living. -- Jules Henri Poincaré
The issue is not whether you are paranoid. Look around you Lenny. The issue is whether you are paranoid enough. -- Strange Days
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound).
A life with neither misery nor pleasure is an empty, neutral existance... to actively seek nothingness is worse than defeat... how can you admire a human who consciously embraces the bland, the mediocre, and the safe rather than risk the suffering that disappointments can bring? -- Tom Robbins
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp. -- Bob Ettinger
God is like, so cool. Think of the coolest person in your life. He made that person. And he's cooler than that. -- Justine Bateman
The White House has always attracted the mentally ill.
-- Vincent Charles, Secret Service Agent
(explaining why security was heightened around the White House)
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. -- Lily Tomlin
"The purpose of the experiment was to identify those who objected to it taking place" -- Vladimir Nabakov, the novelist
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." --Groucho Marx
"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this." -- Emo Phillips
Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. You use them when you've got nothing else to try. If they work, they go in the Book. Otherwise you follow the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked. -- Larry Niven, "The Mote in God's Eye"
"At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly contradictory attitudes - an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny of all ideas, old and new. This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep nonsense. Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical thinking together keeps the field on track." -- Carl Sagan
"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion." -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." -- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
"If I had not been a monk, I would have become an engineer." -- The Dalai Lama
"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity." -- Bill Vaughan
"Never interrupt someone doing something you said couldn't be done." -- Amelia Earhart
I blinked at her. "Uh, I find I'm astonished again. How is this place run? Is it an anarchy?" Hazel shrugged. Justin Foote looked thoughtful. "No I wouldn't say so. It is not that well organized." -- Robert A. Heinlein: The Cat Who Walks Through Walls
Mowery's Observation: "It's hard to make things foolproof because fools are so darn ingenious." -- Dave Mowery
A foolish man speaks before he thinks, a wise man thinks before he speaks, but a godly man lets his life speak for him. -- author unknown
"I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." -- Forrest Gump

The Wisdom and Weirdness of Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." -- Douglas Adams "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"
"Don't try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you with my breakfast cereal every morning." - Zaphod BeebleBrox
"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now." -- Douglas Adams
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. -- Douglas Adams "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy"

Various Tag Lines

No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
API (Poland): A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening."
Just because something's toxic doesn't mean it's not tasty.
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who need closure. -- Mark Schmidt
Warning: Belief in strange ideas does not guarantee that strange ideas will believe in you.
'Have you tried re-installing?' is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corp.
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
I'll never forget what grandpa said right before he passed away: "Aaaaah! No! NO! Aaaaaiiiee! Get it offa me! Get it off!! Aieeeergh!"
I'll never forget what grandpa said right before he passed away: "Let's see here... Red on yellow... OK, this one's a King snake, see?"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not screaming and yelling in terror like his passengers.
Intuition (n): an uncanny sixth sense which tells people that they are right, whether they are or not.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that people aren't out to get you.
Just because you're you doesn't mean I'm not.
Motto of the Bomb Squad: If you see us running, you'd better catch up.
Politicians, like diapers, should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
Heisenberg may have been here.
Error - Keyboard not found.. Press Enter to Continue
Maturity is for those too young to know better
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate
From the perspective of quantum theory, you don't look at light, it looks at you... probably.
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Complicated Internet Acronyms
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Last night I blasted a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Perl: the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
...so when the project started we all drew lots to see who would be made the scapegoat if it fails...
iMac: never trust a product which is hyped on the basis of its packaging...
Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be rebooted for the changes to take effect.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather restraints...
Ahh, arrogance and stupidity all in one package. How very efficient! -- Babylon 5
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
All generalizations are false.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet.
Warning! Humor may be hazardous to your depression!
I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three: one to hold the giraffe, the other to fill the bathtub with the brightly-coloured machine tools.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness
What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
Sign on Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, "AZ State Prison Ahead: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers"
life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Profanity: the universal programming language.
Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. -Weinberg, p.152
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. -Dykstra
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette
You're just jealous because the voices talk only to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Elvis is dead and I'm not feeling too good myself.
NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine
Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you're doing it wrong.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I'm not different, I'm statistically challenged
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ... or something like that.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However a large number of electrons were temporarily inconvenienced.
Repeat after me, "we are all individuals..."
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Live your life so that when you die, the preacher won't have to tell lies at your funeral.
Life is short, make fun of it.
If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. If it's you against the world, bet on the world.
If there's one thing we learn from history, it's that we don't learn from history.
There is no mechanical or electronic problem so difficult that it can not be solved by brute force and ignorance.
You do not have to believe in miracles to depend upon them.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail. But a true friend will be sitting in jail with you saying, "Man! that was fun!"
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Welcome to the Brave New World. Hope everyone brought an antacid?

If that wasn't enough for you, see Bumper Snickers and One-Liners.

Laws, Rules and Theorems Explaining the Working of the Universe

Stapp's Ironical Paradox, AKA Stapp's Law: the universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle.
Treiman's Theorem: Impossible things don't usually happen.
O'Reilly's law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Lieberman's law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Denniston's law: Virtue is its own punishment.
Gold's law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.
Conway's law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired.
Finster's law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Lynch's law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Muir's law: When we try to separate anything out by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
Glyme's formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
Mason's first law of synergism: The one day you'd sell your birthright for something, birthrights are a glut.
Hanlon's razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Handy guide to modern science: If it's green or wriggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Green's law of debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Stewart's law of retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
First rule of history: History doesn't repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
Oliver's law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Harrison's postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no positive effect on your take-home pay.
Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.
Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.
Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:

ORKUT TAG LINES

A list of great tag lines

Practice Safe Hex.

Jesus Saves, Moses Invests.

Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Life is a riddle; unfortunately the answer's not written on the back of anything.

Writing is easy. You just stare at the paper until your forehead bleeds.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

My truck does not leak. It's just marking its territory!

If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

There's a pinch of the madman in every great man.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

Sex is like air.....it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

My karma ran over your dogma.

I is a college student.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Gravity-It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Simon says stand! Simon says sit! Format drive C:! Ha! Gotcha!

People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.

Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

A rock ----> me <---- A hard place ...now touch these wires to your tongue! A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1 A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation. Haven't I seen you on a milk carton? All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. I'm a internaut and I'm OK. I surf all night and I sleep all day. Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in the movies. Avoid temporary variables and strange women. Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying. A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere. Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. Honey, I Formatted the Kid! Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once... How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows. One picture is worth 128K words. Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket. One man's constant is another man's variable. Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! What do computer engineers use for birth control? Their personalities. grep..grep..grep... (a Frog with UNIX stuck in its' throat) Your password is pitifully obvious. Ghandi would have smacked you in the head. Life in a vacuum sucks. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. A pessimist is never disappointed. If I save the whales, where do I keep them? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT* Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence. Jesus is coming, look busy Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C: Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions. The other half, just don't care. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. 1024x768x256... Sounds like one mean woman. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic "Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing." Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free. Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded! Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename"... A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting. New Mail not found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N) Press any key to start formatting the hard disk. General Brain Failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore, (O)h. But I thought YOU did the backups... Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy? "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?" I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse. Hey, whats that beeping noise? Wheres that smoke coming from? Keyboard not connected, press F13 to continue FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing... Reality.Sys corrupted -- Reboot Universe (Y/N)? OS/2? What's that? Half of an Operating System? "How to Boil Water, in 500 easy steps" by Chuck Forsberg. Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources. Half of the people in the world are below average. "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros." Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>

Computers can never replace human stupidity

Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites)

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer

(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...

Bugs come in through open Windows.

Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups!

Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed.

Brain over - Insert coin

COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.

Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.

JESUS SAVES, passes to Moses, he shoots. It's good! He scores!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left

Why does the person that snores always fall asleep first?

Windows is a colorful clown suit for DOS.

DEL *.* does WHAT?

The most expensive component always breaks first.

Mouse not found. Driver not installed. Click to continue.

One person's error is another person's data.

Dogs crawl under gates, software crawls under Windows!

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

As easy as 1, 2, 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841

Windows isn't a virus... Viruses do something...

Get in touch with normal people. Leave us alone.

Fatal mouse error. (B)ury or (R)eplace?

WindowError:005 Multitasking attempted. System confused.

Sector not found... Did you look under the sofa?

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

96.7% of all statistics are made up.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

"Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition."

"Tell me what you think, Captain, I'm all ears" - Spock

(A)bort, (R)etry or (G)et a stick and kill it.

Backup aborted: Please remove disk #192 and start over.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

C program run, C program crash, C programmer cry.

Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS.

Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.

Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want

Friends don't let friends use Windows.

He's got a magnet!!! Everybody BACKUP!!!!!!!!

I to±d yo±, "Never±touch ±he flo±py di±k su±face!

I'm miserable without you, it's like having you here.

I've seen better conversations in alphabet soup.

If IBMs have Bugs, Do APPLES have Worms?

If Windows is User-Friendly, why do you need to read a 672 pages manual?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I think, therefore I am. I think.

If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing

It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!

Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!

Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.

Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue

MicroSoft Windows... a virus with mouse support.

Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.

Nothing beats Windows, it keeps loading and loading and loading...

Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.

Optimist: Someone who doesn't know all the facts yet.

RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory.

Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

The awful price of purity is Puritans.

Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later.

A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the coffin.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Reality is that part of the imagination we all agree on.

Diplomacy is saying: "Nice doggie!"... till you can find a rock.

Avoid generalisations: they are NEVER valid.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del for unlimited access to this system.

What on earth is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may just be happy.

THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules.

She lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted looks.

Pronoia = the suspicion that others are conspiring behind your back to HELP you.

Sorry... my mind has a few bad sectors.

Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

The best defense against logic is stupidity.

User - a technical term used by computer pros. See idiot.

User not Found. (S)mile, (L)augh, (T)hank God?

Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.

When you kill a bug, ten more come for the funeral.

Windows 3.1: the best $99 solitare game I've ever seen!

Windows Error: 001 - Windows loaded. System in danger.

Windows Error: 002 - No error yet ...

Windows Error: 003 - Operator fell asleep while waiting.

Windows Error: 004 - Erroneous error. Nothing wrong.

Windows Error: 010 - Reserved for future mistakes

Windows v47.4 - We **FINALLY** got it right!!!

Windows... Just say no!

Windows:(n.)1. Something that comes with the mouse you bought.

Windows:(n.)2. The Gates of hell.

Windows:(n.)3. The solution to a problem that didn't exist before

Windows:(n.)4. Proof that God has a sense of humor.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead -- He's electroencephalographically challenged.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Google Banned Microsoft Windows

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Well, Google has taken the next step in its world domination plan, banning Microsoft Windows from internal use.

Employees will be given the choice between Apple's Mac OS and Linux.

Adding insult to injury, Google is also publicly citing Windows security problems for the decision and blaming Windows vulnerabilities for the China hacking incident.

So that's 20,000+ Windows licenses that won't be sold and renewed at Google in future years.

Given that Google is in the process of introducing a competitive platform and operating system (Android/Chrome), this move isn't surprising. The important question for Microsoft is whether other companies will follow suit.

Google is phasing out the internal use of Microsoft’s ubiquitous Windows operating system because of security concerns, according to several Google employees.

The directive to move to other operating systems began in earnest in January, after Google’s Chinese operations were hacked, and could effectively end the use of Windows at Google, which employs more than 10,000 workers internationally.

“We’re not doing any more Windows. It is a security effort,” said one Google employee.

“Many people have been moved away from [Windows] PCs, mostly towards Mac OS, following the China hacking attacks,” said another.

New hires are now given the option of using Apple’s Mac computers or PCs running the Linux operating system. “Linux is open source and we feel good about it,” said one employee. “Microsoft we don’t feel so good about.”

How to open old ms office files in office 2007

Open, edit, and save documents, workbooks, and presentations in the Open XML file formats which were introduced to Microsoft Office Word, Excel, and PowerPoint beginning with Office 2007.

Microsoft Office Compatibility Pack for Word, Excel, and PowerPoint File Formats

Source : www.Microsoft.com

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