I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!
I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.
I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth!
I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.
I always get my muckin words fuddled
I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
I am a vampire. Please wash your neck.
I am both of us & so are you.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I am functioning within established parameters.
I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
I am sweet and lovable at all times.
I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.
I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke
I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I bought a cordless extension cord.
I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
I came... I saw... I stole your tagline.
I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries
I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to!
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
I could be arguing in my spare time.
I could prove God statistically.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules!
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.
I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof!
I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.
I don't want the world, I just want your half.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late
I feel the need......the need for speed!!! - Maverick Mitchell 1987
I find myself beside a stream of empty thought
I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
I get mail........ I exist.
I give advice worth the price....free!
I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!
I guess a cynic smells different.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers
I have a speech impediment... my foot.
I have already not made that point
I have given my pain a name..!!
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I have the mars observer and I'm not returning it until I get an 'A' in astronomy
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I is knot dain bramaged!
I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?
I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY
I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY
I know everything about everything, except that.
I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!
I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.
I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign.
I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it!
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
I look better on a woman!
I lost a button hole today.
I lost my knickers at Niagara.
I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
I never met a chocolate I didn't like!
I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it!
I post.......... I am
I promise results, not promises.
I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!
I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had!
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell
I think, therefore I am. I think.
I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
I think................I am paid.
I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.
I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit.
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.
I wake near the end of the day.
I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.
I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days!
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.
I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back..
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather have a 3.5" hard one than a 5.25" floppy one
I'd tell you more more, but you might blush.
I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!
I'll have what the guy in the casket had.
I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum!
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me!
I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol.
I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
I'm making a career of evil.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
I'm new and what's all this then?
I'm not as dumb as you look.
I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.
I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.
I'm not even going to ignore that.
I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate.
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
I'm not on drugs. I am drugs.
I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right!
I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things.
I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T!!
I'm on the crest of a slump.
I'm out of sick days, so I'm calling in dead!
I'm pink, therefore I'm spam
I'm schizophrenic, What are you?
I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
I'm too smart to let my intelligence go to my head.
I'm turning you in to the SPCA!
I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine.
I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
I've got morals. I just don't know where they are.
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash.
I've had fun before. This isn't it.
I've run out of sick leave so I'm calling in dead.
I've seen the future. I can't afford it.
I've upped my standards, SO UP YOURS!
IBM: I've Been Misled
IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more
IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END
INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer.
If I can't fix it, it's probably dead.
If I can't win, I don't wanna play!
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet
If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits !
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If at first you don't succeed, you've failed failed again
If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose!
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it.
If it glows don't touch it!
If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
If it has tits or tires, there will be problems.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
If it isn't original, it isn't sin.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
If it screams it's not food......yet. <>
If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
If it's not worth doing well, it's not worth doing.
If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
If rainy days and Mondays get you down, what do you do
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull?
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper.
If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN!
If you can read this you have a modem.
If you can't be good, be careful.
If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER?
If you can't debug it, deplug it.
If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." B. Gates
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him.
If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
If you prick me, do I not get turned on?
If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT!
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
If you're a typical student, consider the fact there is
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush..
If your behind is in front, you turned around!
Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
Illiterate?... Write for free help.
Imagery is All In The Mind.
Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality
Immoral Majority Charter Member.
Impropriety is the soul of wit.
In God we trust, all others pay cash.
In God we trust. All others must pay cash.
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
In war there is no substitute for victory.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Individualists of the world, UNITE!
Inertia makes the world go round.
Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Innuendo: Italian Suppository.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready.
Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge
Interstellar Matter is a Gas
Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it.
Iraq won the toss... and elected to receive.
Iraq's national bird?, "DUCK"
Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2
Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Is FIDO a dog?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
Is it possible to feel gruntled.
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?
Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click]
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
Is this the right room for an argument?
It ain't easy being easy.
It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog.
It depends on which end he tries to light.
It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that.
It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
It really bothers me when people cut me o...
It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
It works better if you plug it in.
It's Tekonojikly better!
It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
It's an ill wind that gathers no moss.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's clever, but is it art?
It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM..
It's hard to be serious when you're naked.
It's life Jim, but not as we know it.
It's like Deja Vu all over again...
It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager!
It's never too late to have a happy childhood
It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money
It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it?
It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a
It's only ones and zeros.
It's over when the fat lady sits on your face.
It's smart to pick your friends -- but not your nose.
It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose.
It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission
It's worse than that, he's dead Jim.
Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
Ivan Poorovitch, Russia's new premier.
Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate
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