"Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "I think not," said Descartes, and promptly disappeared. "MEOW"...SPLAT..."RUFF"...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs) 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women. 98% of all statistics are useless A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clear conscience is usually the result of bad memory. A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far. A KGB keyboard has no <ESC> key! A social life? From what board can I download THAT? Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Acupuncturists do it with a small prick. Aibohphobia - The fear of palindromes Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows. All men are born equal. The tough job is to outgrow it. All our tag lines are busy at the moment. All power corrupts, but we NEED electricity. Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Always forgive your enemies. They hate it! Alzheimers is very..ah...uh.....uh.....um Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key Artificial Intelligence: The other guy's opinion. As my grandfather had said in his last words, "A TRUCK!" As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself!" At a nude wedding everybody can see who the bestman is. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Back Up My Hard Drive? Can't Find The Reverse Switch! Bad command or filename. Go stand in the corner. Be careful with that saw!, Tom said offhandedly. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home. Behind every successful man - a surprised mother-in-law. California does have its faults. Call it a hunch - Quasimodo. Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"? Celibacy is not hereditary. Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him. Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction. Clones are people two. code code code code eat code code code sleep code code... Common sense is the least common of all senses. Computer Engineers do it bit by bit. Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light. Computers can never replace human stupidity. Conservatism is the worship of dead revolutions. Copper wire: Invented by lawyers arguing over a penny. Corruption. The most infallible symptom of liberty CRUISING: 19200bps modem and 0.5bps fingers! Crusoe got everything done by Friday. Can you? Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean Daddy! What does UNREGISTERED mean?? Death MAY ease tension, researchers report. Death: The unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop. Dentist : he lives from hand to mouth. Dermatologists make rash judgments. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. Diarrhea is hereditary; it runs in your genes. Diplomacy: Saying 'nice doggy'... until you find a rock. Do I smoke after sex? I never looked. Do not believe anything I haven't said Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Don't you just hate it when they verbify nouns? Drive A: not responding. Formatting C: instead. Driving Lesson One: Shiny side up; rubber side down. Egotist: a person of low taste. more interested in himself than me. Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself. Every minute you are angry wastes 60 happy seconds. Every time I lose weight, it finds me again! Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Everything coming your way? You're in the wrong lane! Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower. Experience is the comb life gives you after you're bald. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want! Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents. Famous last words: 'You saw a WHAT around the corner?!' Fellow with closed mind often has open mouth. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity File Not Found. Loading something that looks similar. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Fish and guests smell in three days. For Sale. Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. Funny, only sensible people agree with me. Go ahead, jump. 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. God is Dead - Nietzsche ::: Nietzsche is Dead - God God? Well, first of all, She's black. Good printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. Have I found God? What? Did you lose him AGAIN?! He who laughs last probably didn't understand the joke. He who loses his head is usually the last one to miss it. He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which you can die. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! Help stamp out philatelists. Heredity is what sets parents of a teenager wondering about each other. Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch? Honest, teacher! A virus REALLY did eat my homework! How to solve Mideast problems: DEL IRA*.* I am free of prejudices. I hate everyone equally. I am schizophrenic, and so am I. I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food. I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem. I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory. I have great faith in agnosticism. I just took an IQ test. The results were negative. I must hurry, for there they go and I am their leader. I still miss my wife - but my aim is improving! I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious. I think, therefore I am overqualified... I think, therefore I am, I think I think I think, therefore I think I am. I think. I think I will plan being spontaneous tomorrow I used to be a coyote, but I'm alright nooooooooooooooow! I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not sure.... I was a banker, but lost interest I will defend to the death everyones right to my opinion! I wish I could remember where I parked my hard disk. I'm a lawyer." "Honest?" "No, the usual kind." I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. I'm just visiting. My REAL planet is sane. I'm losing my thought of train.... I'm lost in a Batch of BATs. I'm neither for, nor against apathy I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am! If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO! If Jesus was Jewish, why does he have a Mexican name? If love is blind, how does love at first sight work? If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If you see an onion ring ... answer it!_ If you think you have no faults, that makes one. If your parents didn't have children, odds are that you won't either. In a nuclear war, all men will be cremated equal In God we trust; all others pay cash. In the end, gravity wins -- Dolly Parton. Individualists unite! Insufficient resources : insert wallet into drive A: Iraqi rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped once. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? Is that a banana in your pocket, or you happy to see me? Is that Hemorrhoids or am I sitting on a bunch of grapes? It's not how old you are but how you are old. It's probably a bad day when you find a dead fish in your underwear. Jesus Christ! Close the door! Were you born in a barn!?!? Jesus was a Jew, but only on his mother's side. JJoohhnn,, wwhhaatt ddooeess AAlltt--EE ddoo?? Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them. Jury: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. Keyboard not attached. Press F10 to continue Keyboard not found, think "F10" to continue. Last words of Socrates: "I drank WHAT?!?!" Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself. Let your fingers do the talking. Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir. Life is a dildo;long,hard,and plastic,but occasionally fun. Life is a sexually transmitted and terminal disease. Life is full of undocumented features! Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards. Life would be easier if I had the source code. Life...MTBF? Listen to sermon, THEN eat missionary! Long live the C64! G-g-guys? I was only kiddin, <BANG!!> Look at the docs? Nah, nurses are much better looking Love thy neighbour - but don't get caught! LSD: Virtual reality without the expensive hardware! Make a difference in the world today: Subtract Many are cold but few are frozen. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. Maybe there's something wrong with the Universe. Me, indecisive? I'm not so sure about that. Middle age:When your age starts showing at your middle! Mind if I clean my fly swatter over your soup? Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting. Modem not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)oto bed? Modem sex begins with a handshake. Money talks: Mine says goodbye! My computer's sick and I think my modem is a carrier My floppy got excited. Now it's a hard disk. My Hard Disk went on a diet and lost it's FAT No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers. Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken One atom bomb can ruin your whole day Optical mice have no balls! Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the parade? OUCH!... Got my floppy caught in my PKZipper. Paranoia: Believing this tagline is about you. Part-time musicians are semiconductors Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue Press F13 to continue Psychic Convention cancelled due to unforeseen problems Psychotherapist is also Psycho The Rapist Questions, questions! Does it ever end?! Radioactive cats have 18 half lives. Reality is nothing but a collective hunch Reality.Sys Corrupted - Unable To Recover Universe REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q) Reasoning, Circular: See Circular Reasoning Recursive (rï-kûr-sïv) adj. See 'recursive.' Reformat Hard Drive! Are you SURE (Y/Y)? Save a Planet. Collect all 9. Success lies in achieving the top of the foodchain. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism Support your local Police Depart.!! Bribe a cop. Swords to Ploughs? Wouldn't they be small? Sybil was a multi-user Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave. Tact is knowing how far to go in going too far. Tagline dropped due to budget cuts. Tagline For Sale CHEAP. Insert $1.00 into drive A:. Tagline Lotto: __________<- Scratch here to reveal prize. Taglines are the bumper stickers of the '90s. Taglines are the restroom wall of the Net. Taglines--A place to dry wet tags. Taglines...one line freedom of speech! Take my advice, I don't need it. Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Telecommunications is a bit far fetched. Telepathy is minding someone else's business. That's not line noise--my modem's speaking in tongues! The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m/s² The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. The cost of feathers has risen,now even DOWN is UP! The days of the digital watch are numbered The Light at the End of the Tunnel Could be a flame thrower. The seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. The subliminal message for today is. The worst thing about censorship is __________. There IS intelligent life in the universe... It ignores us... There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple. They talk of my drinking but never of my thirst. This note edited for the ironically impaired. This tagline only uses recycled keystrokes Time flies like the wind; fruit flies prefer bananas To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady! Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes Try our new dehydrated water! Just add ...uh...er... Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! Unrecoverable system error at 417A:32CF. Incompetent user Use tasteful words, You might have to eat them. Vuja De - The Feeling You've Never Been Here Warning! COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded. Warning: this computer makes hexist remarks! We gave our organs to science and plan to do the same with our piano. Wear a smile: it increases your face value. When you come to a fork in the road, take it! Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? Whoever goes to psychiatrist should have his head examined Why does DOS never say "EXCELLENT command or filename"? Women DO come with instructions. Just ask them! Women fake orgasm, Men fake foreplay. Xerox never comes up with anything original. You're only young once. You're immature forever. You're the reason my dog is pregnant, aren't you?!
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